WWN guide to getting the ride while living at home with your parents

With more and more Irish people forced to remain living at home with their parents thanks to crippling rental prices and the lack of affordable homes on the market, Waterford Whispers News tackles the main problem facing those without a place to call their own: namely, where do you get the ride?

With your partner of choice statistically likely to be in the same stuck-at-home boat as you are, things can be very awkward if you want to have a good auld roll in the sack without sending your parents into an early grave.

If you’re one of the ‘boomerang generation’ living at home with your folks, consider the following.

Time your riding to coincide with religious holidays

Nothing gets your parents out of the house quicker than a novena. Although their staunch Catholicism is the exact reason you can’t bang the goodness out of your boyfriend or girlfriend in the first place, you can use it to your advantage: Sunday mass, funerals, Feast days, even the blessings of the graves … when your parents get prayin’, you get layin’.

Go up into the attic

Rather than a roll in the hay, how about a roll in the fibreglass insulation? Bring your sexual partner up the Staighre for some hot, sweaty, itchy fun. If your parents complain that they heard some rustling around in the attic, blame it on mice. Also, watch out for mice.

Just start humping on the kitchen table

Look, just go for it. Strip bare naked with your partner and just start riding like mad in the middle of Sunday dinner. If your folks complain, just yell about how it’s all their fault for voting in a succession of governments that allowed the country to fall apart to such a degree that your only options are to live at home like a child or fuck off to Australia for the rest of your life. I can do this riding here or I can do it in Perth, mammy. Your choice.

We hope you enjoyed this extract from Waterford Whispers News ’Newsageddon’. When you’ve stopped laughing pick up a copy online with Eason, Dubray, Book Depository, Kennys, Amazon, on our website or in all good bookshops nationwide.